Dearest Sara

This one's for you

Weight Is Not A Measure

At yoga trainings, classes or workshops I’ve attended it is not unusual for the doshas to come up.  When they do it is very common for someone to turn to me, look me up and down in a flash, then with a smug finality announce,

“You’re a Kapha”   

I smile and respond,

“Fuck You”

No not really but I am sorely tempted. I’m tempted because sometimes my fiery Pitta nature gets the best of me.   I’m working on it.

I’m sure there are some people reading this who might think that wanting to tell my fellow yogis and yoginis to fuck off is not very yogic.  That’s okay with me as long as you are also thinking that it isn’t very yogic to sum up an individual based simply on their size.  The doshas are not just about body types. 

But we're human and humans like easy answers (me too) and we seem to make a lot of assumptions about people based on their appearance. I’ve been rejected in partner work .  I've  listened quietly and smiled (I told you I am working on it)  when people are amazed I can perform an asana, or exclaim that I have pretty good alignment.  They actually say these things out loud in astonishment.  Out loud.

 

Sometimes, when discussing my difficulty with a particular pose or discussing how much yoga has helped me I may mention my weight in passing as this does have an impact on my asana practice.   When I say overweight, or god forbid, f-a-t, there are always a few yoginis who cry in unison “Awwww”. You know that “awwwwwww”.  It’s the, ‘You shouldn’t talk/think/feel that way about yourself.  That is sooo saad’  awwwwwww.  

Please note before you ‘awwwwww’ at me.

I did not say fat and ugly. 

I did not say fat and stupid. 

I did not say fat and lazy.

Weight is a number on a scale.   When I googled 'weight', I learned that weight is actually a measure of one half of a repulsive force exerted on a body, or mass, by contact with, or support from, another body. Whatever that means.  

Weight is only one measure of one thing.  It is not a measure of moral fiber, the ability to love, intelligence, will, determination, kindness or spirituality. 

It is not even a measure of the quality of my yoga practice.  Really, it isn’t. 

I understand we live in a larger (no pun intended) culture where thin is in.  I've noticed that many yogis and yoga teachers have entered the practice by way of sports and fitness. I understand the excess weight can be a death knell to the competitive athlete or professional dancer and that fat is a scary thing for them.  I completely get that yoga practitioners are bombarded with the same media and cultural messages as the rest of society but I propose we try to leave the cultural beauty and fitness body ideal out of my yoga practice and I won’t swear at you.  Deal?

The Universal Principles of Building a Barbeque Grill

Or Just One Of The Weird Ways Anusara Yoga Has Helped Me In Real Life.



Last summer I purchased a cool charcoal grill. I was delighted with all the extra features I found on the shiny new floor model. A fold down table attached to the left hand side to hold the food and utensils, too cool. A cool adjustable rack for the coals so that the heat could be adjusted. A cool big black knob on the cool silvery backsplash thingy. Oh and the warming rack and the utensil holder were cool too.


Did I mention I thought it was cool?


This grill reached the ultimate zenith of coolness in the moments of anticipation I enjoyed before I tore open the box.


The coolness factor dropped to zero when I saw that ninety five percent of the grill was in pieces wrapped in paper and plastic. As in ‘some assembly required.’ My heart sank when I saw a myriad of screws, nuts, bolts, washers and wing nuts lying on a large cardboard rectangle, encased in shrink wrap and labeled with some strange and mysterious alphabetical code. Maybe it was Sanskrit? No such luck.


And the directions? The directions were simply line drawings with tiny arrows pointing to tiny letters indicating which fasteners were needed to assemble which section. They were labeled thusly: LJPMH or BMPJ or KEC. WTF?


There was a time when I would have taken one look at that mess and become overwhelmed with disappointment and frustration. I would have shoved all the bits and pieces back in the box. I would have closed the lid willie nillie and shoved the whole thing to the back of the closet and said “later” (translation - screw it)


I was surprised that the new me stayed opened up to the possibility that I could do this. After a deep breath, a quick prayer and a glass of wine, I spread the parts out all over the kitchen table and began at the beginning.


First, I stood back and looked at the big picture. What was the grill supposed to look like when it was finished? What is its outer form? Where am I going? What is the meaning of life? How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? OMG is this all there is???


I meant to stop before I became overwhelmed but I missed the “Stop Projecting” sign post and had to go back to the beginning.

Outer Form of Grill?

Check.


Stop Projecting?
Check.

Keep beginners mind?
Check.


I unfolded the instruction sheet and examined the directions. They were laid out like a blueprint. I simply needed to start at the first set of drawings, match the grill part to the lettered fasteners and make the pieces on my end look like the picture. Only then could I move on to the next section.


It was hard. Very hard. I wanted to jump ahead. I thought I was smarter than the blueprint and wanted to do it my way, the better way. The discipline it took to keep all those little labeled parts where they belonged was painful.


Sometimes I was clumsy. I dropped washers and doo hickeys and watched bolts and watchamacallits roll across the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to scour the floor looking for nuts and screws under the table. I think I swore a few times. I know I swore when I hit my head on the kitchen table when I stood up too soon.


But every time I had a setback I went back to the beginning. I remembered that I was a beginner and was open to all possibilities. I kept the goal in mind and the instructions in front of me and, TA-DA, ended with a cool new grill and a cool new appreciation for my cool new abilities.


The best part was that when I was I was finished there was only one plastic doo-hickey and 3 washers left over.


Building a grill turned out to be my yoga that day. I just had to remember to step into the flow of grace, apply the principles in order, go back to the beginning if there was a screw up and remember to appreciate the results, even if it didn’t turn out perfect.

I had many doubts about becoming a yoga teacher. 

The messages would play over and over again in my head:
I’m not a dancer or a gymnast or an athlete.  
I am not especially graceful or enlightened.  
I am over 50 and over weight, that is what I am.  

There are days that I approach my mat and my body says “Yuck.  Let’s order a pizza instead.”   But I keep going and someone (me?) keeps  whispering in my ear. “You are worthy”

I asked myself, “What could I possibly offer my students?  Who did I think I was to think I could teach anyone anything” 

The answer came when I realized that my flaws, real and perceived, the flaws I  have overcome and the ones I am still trying to overcome, were my gifts to my students.  The fact that asana, meditation and especially opening to grace, required constant  remembrance, discipline and an annoying amount of discomfort at times were exactly what I have to offer to my students!  I can look them in the eye and say “Yeah I know, it’s hard. Sometimes it downright sucks” 

But I can also tell them that most of the time yoga is joy.  It is life affirming.  It is life changing.  In the very best way I am more of the person I am meant to be while remaining the person I have always been.   My Anusara yoga practice has taught me disciple and control while showing me glimpses of delicious freedom.   That may sound like a paradox but it’s not. It is balance. It is union.  It is…well…yoga.

So now I have my first real yoga gig and instead of feeling doubtful or unsure of myself I am delighted.  I hope I can lead students to glimpse the peace and power that yoga has brought to me. I can only hope to channel my teachers with gratitude for the service they have done for me and humbly serve the students who come my way.
Jai Hanuman!!

All Natural Organic Things I Will Not Eat

Poisonous mushrooms

Grass

Tree bark

Jelly Fish

Bugs

Rocks -- very high in minerals but hard on the teeth

The Omelet Guru

I’ll admit I was a doubting Thomas.  Hotel breakfast buffets can be downright scary.   On this beautiful May morning however, things were looking up. This hotel breakfast buffet had a made to order omelet station.  Score!

Standing behind the omelet station was Sammy.  In his white chef’s hat and jacket, Sammy was manning the omelet bar with a big smile and a warm greeting for everyone who passed by.  He took my omelet order and we fell into a discussion about a celebrity divorce story blaring away on the flat screen TV anchored to the wall behind us.

Sammy announced that divorce was bad and declared in a thick and indeterminable accent, “It is  simple.  I treat my wife good and she treats me good.  Simple”    

I decided Sammy was a wise man, tipped him a dollar and polished off his delicious omelet before heading out to work. 

The next morning I wandered down to breakfast and was again greeted by Sammy and his huge grin. “What can I get you this morning beautiful lady?”  Yes, it had been confirmed, Sammy was a very wise man.  

I asked Sammy how he was doing this morning.  “Great,” he said, “Beautiful” he said.   

Then Sammy told me why.

“Every day I wake up and I am happy.  You know why?  It is my day and nothing that goes wrong is going to bother me.  I do the best I can and if my car does not start?  So what.  It has nothing to do with me.  It is not my fault!"

Sammy was building a full head of steam and become more animated.  “And you know what?  I make money, money does not make me.  I work hard and earn my living but you know what people do?"

I shook my head no. 

Waving his spatula he declared, “They work and work and work and work.  I say ‘Good for you, you like work’ but you know what they forget?”   

Once again I gave a negative shake.

Sammy leaned over the work station and exclaimed “Love!  They forget about the love.  What is all the money in the world worth if you don’t have any love!   

“You know what they are missing?” Sammy asked.

And before I could reply he said, “Balance.  It’s all about balance” 

With that Sammy got so excited he knocked the omelet pan off the burner and lost most of the egg mixture as it spilled on to the table. 

Alarmed I asked “Are you okay?”
Sammy waved off my concern with his spatula and said "No problem I do that all the time" and kept right on cooking and talking.

When he was finished constructing my omelet he handed it off to me with a joy filled flourish and asked if I was coming in for breakfast tomorrow.   

“No??” He frowned “That is too bad I wanted to talk to you some more. “

$11.95 for a lesson in Grace, joy, love, and balance.  And he threw in a great spinach and mushroom omelet.  A bargain any way you look at it.

My Favorite Breakfast

Ingredient List:
Eggs
Onions
Rotel   (or fresh tomatoes and chilies)
Tumeric
Cumin Seeds
Butter
Milk or water or cream

Slowly cook a little minced onion in butter
While the onions are sweating, well drain a half a can of Rotel (Level of heat is up to you and the fine people of Rotel)
Beat up 2 or 3 eggs with a little water/milk/cream... whatever floats you boat.
When onions are ready move them over in the pan then add 1/2 tsp turmeric and the same amount of whole cumin seeds to roast.
After a few seconds dump in the Rotel and stir it all up. Cook for a minute or two to dry out the Rotel.
Then dump in the eggs and scramble away.


Ugly but delish. Camera is on the fritz or I'd take a picture.  Just imagine a blob of red, green and muddy yellow eggs.  Yum.


Google Indian Scrambled eggs for recipes with measurements and variations.


You can add ginger and garlic if you wish, which is nice for lunch or a light supper dish but I skip those in the morning. Of course you can use fresh tomatoes and chilies instead of the canned Rotel.  I use the Rotel for the lycopene and because it makes the recipe go quicker.  Of course, then there is the BPA issue with canned foods.  Maybe I'll make my own or have Sara make me some next summer.